I was talking to my sister today, just your average everyday sisterly conversation when something really struck me. I have not really been myself for the past two years. My concept of time is completely off. There are things that I thought have happened recently and it turns out they happened two years ago.

A few weeks ago I went to a work training that had to do with stress. Stress management after critical incidents, how to deal with people who have gone through that... both callers and co-workers and ourselves. One of the things mentioned was that people do tend to forget and block out stressful events. Have I really been under that much stress in the past two and a half years that my brain has blocked half of life out?

Thinking about that... do I really want to entertain the idea of a doctorate and do that again? If it weren't for very persistent friends who have stuck by me even when they have been ignored for weeks at a time, I might not have any friends at all.

The drawbacks to tunnel vision. I can accomplish a lot, but for what price? Is it really worth it? Are the little letters after your name what it is all about?

Among other things, a mark of an excellent spouse is their willingness to support their partner's crazy obsessions. My husband showed me today what an excellent husband he really is. Not that I doubt this, but it was very evident in his actions today.

Today he helped move an enormous and extremely heavy piano. Doesn't seem like a huge deal... but you have to understand my obsession with musical instruments. I give him a hard time about his computer obsession and how we have a computer for almost every room of the house. But, I really may have to curb my jokes in that area from now on. We definitely have more instruments than people and rooms put together. Two harps, a guitar, a saxophone, a keyboard and now a large piano reside in our humble abode. The best thing about it... he knows I'm not done yet and he still loves me.

I would have to say, that in the grand scheme of our married life together, this year marks a turning point. In the beginning of this year, late January, Ryan and I decided to take the "Financial Peace University" class with our church. It ended up not being on the right night for us, so we ended up with a group from the Stirring. Close enough. It was life changing.

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/

Through 13 weeks, Dave Ramsey introduced us to what I can only describe as logic in the area of finances. Everything he said made complete sense and I constantly had "duh!" moments in that course. It was as if I knew I should be thinking along these lines all along, and yet we get trapped into so many money lies.




All of Dave's baby steps are so valuable, but I think the most valuable thing to me over the course of the class was the zero based budget. I love it. Maybe it appeals to the control freak in me, but I am SO FREE now that I know where every dollar goes before the month even starts. I am proud to say that we have stuck to this type of budget every month since February.

Being a freelance musician, we are usually in the poor and starving category since income isn't regular. This has helped calm those fears so much.

Because of this program, we paid off all of the student loans YEARS before they said we would. We have a purpose for our money, we have a plan. We have a peace. Now that we have turned this corner, we will never go back.

It has been almost a week since we got home from New York. Really? Where has it gone? Honestly, I've been putting in some major hours at Shascom since I "have the time" before school starts.

New York was amazing. This morning as I was making my coffee, I was wishing that I was still there at Kara's house. Sitting on her cute porch and having a cup of coffee there. Listening to the birds in the giant trees and watching the neighborhood come to life.

Other than a trip to Minnesota, this was my first trip to the "mid-west/east coast" area of our country. If it weren't for the below zero winters, I would move there in a heartbeat. Old brick buildings, interesting architecture, so many people had an American flag hanging from the front of their house. Summers there are so GREEN.

Call me weird, but I loved Kara's house so much. It was built in the 50's and had so many interesting details to it. She has also impeccably decorated it, so I had to take a few pictures.




The red/white kitchen was beautiful:






We got in late Wednesday night and had cocktails on the front porch in candlelight. Not a bad way to start a vacation, don't you think?

Thursday we had a leisurely morning and took a road trip to Cooperstown, NY. Most baseball fans immediately know where that is and what that means. It was just another town to me before this trip. I would say it has to be the embodyment of "Hometown, USA" or "Main St" from our recent election verbiage. Quaint would be another word to use. We had some great New York pizza for lunch and then headed to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.

The place is HUGE. You really need 3 days to go through the whole thing. Everything was really interesting and I learned a ton. I'm not normally a baseball fan. I really enjoy watching a live game, but find the televised games are best for a nap on the couch. I would really rather watch golf when it comes down to it. After about 2 hours, though, the 8-10 year olds who were racing around with no adult supervision got the best of me and I was ready to swear off having kids forever.

Friday marked the first day of the official "Sharkey Family Reunion." What a family it is. The entire weekend, I kept thinking, 'boy, I would really love to be a part of this family.' Then I would suddenly remember- I am! I am now a part of this family! What a wonderful thing that is! The others who have married in to this family are jokingly called "The Outsiders," but I didn't feel like an outsider at all.

It probably helped that I had met some of the family members and conversed through email with others, but a lot of fun relationships were made and reestablished through the weekend. Ryan hadn't been to a reunion since 2001 and had some wonderful time to reconnect with cousins.

Bowling (terribly on my part), Beer Pong with the most unlikely champions, Irish pubs and a lot of good food were definitely some of the other highlights. Back to the statement that I had never been to this part of the country before, I had also never seen fireflies. So fun! Those have been on my mental list of "things I have always wanted to experience" for a long time. I think they are a representation of God's joy in our joy.

Over this weekend, Ryan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. Everyone commented on how big it was of me to give up my anniversary for a reunion, but I can't imagine having missed this opportunity. It was a perfect 5th anniversary celebration. Ryan had our time to celebrate the anniversary by going to Niagara Falls on Monday. It was a little bit of a trek- about a 3 hour drive- but so worth it.










We did the classic Maid of the Mist boat tour where the boat comes as close to the falls as possible. The power of the water was amazing. Even with the fancy blue plastic raincoat they give you, I was still a bit wet.

For the most part, we had perfect weather. We did get some rain on two days, but it cleared part of the way through the day. The whole experience was wonderful. It made me proud to be an American and proud to be a Sharkey. (but wishing California had fireflies!!)

This past week I had the wonderful experience of going to the 2009 CalCap Chamber Music Workshop at Sac State. After the first day, however, I wasn't sure I would be able to return the next day.

It is sort of boot camp/music camp for adults. Each day we were split into small ensembles, 2-9 people, and given a piece. We would sight-read that piece and work on it all day. Along with the piece was a recital assignment where you either performed in the afternoon recital or the after dinner recital. The next day this would start all over again with new people and a new piece.

**Note: this following paragraph is not for the squeamish**
The first day, I was in a harp/flute/cello ensemble and we had two 16th Century pieces. Being that I was the accompaniment/continuo, the harp part was pretty heavy on the notes, especially in the right hand. By the first break, I had a HUGE blister on one of my main fingers. NOT a good way to start. Not wanting to be wimpy about it, I kept playing on it. Managed to get another two blisters UNDERNEATH a callous. Not good. By the end of the afternoon, I finally told my coach how much pain I was in and that I wasn't sure about playing the next day.

Thankfully, she had the great idea for me to break out my piano skills and play the piano on Tuesday. SO MUCH fun. Wonderful to play and perform on the piano again. It ended up that I did harp on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and piano Tuesday and Thursday.

I met so many wonderful people. I went in to this thinking that people could be judgemental and hoity-toity about music skills, but quickly realized that it is generally a group of people who just want to have a good time playing music together.

This was the first year that they have every included a harp, so it was wonderful to be a part of something new like that! I definitely want to do this next year and plan on spending the next year gathering music.

Making music alone is rewarding in itself, but making music with other people is just magical.

I love summer. Summer inspires projects, crafts and ideas that I don't necessarily have time for the rest of the year.

One of this summer's big projects is throwing a bridal shower. This chandelier was inspired by a butterfly chandelier Erin and I saw in Bath and Body Works months ago. There is a similar one at Pottery Barn Kids for $79.00!



Using my own twist, flowers instead of butterflies, I have made my own. It was definitely a bigger project than I originally anticipated. My first thought was to make more than one... At this point it looks as though one will suffice.






My other obsession of the summer has been my fantastic ice cream maker. So far my freezer has been blessed with my new creation of a low fat, decaf coffee ice cream that I think is actually pretty decent! Slightly too much vanilla extract... who knew you could have too much vanilla extract? Live and learn. The vanilla for 4th of July turned out really well, though.

I should really try and get a video of it, but when Kona runs outside to chase a bird she does these very graceful gazelle/bunny rabbit looking leaps through the grass. It tickles me every time.

Right now I can completely understand her desire to hunt birds. There is one that I wish she would catch. He sits out in our backyard and chirps. Its probably about 30-40 chirps/minute. CONSTANTLY. He is like a high pitched metronome sitting outside the window. I went to look to see if I could see him and he is sitting on top of the hot tub taunting poor Kona (and me).

Its a good thing I don't have a BB gun, I just might use it.

I wouldn't say that I am a huge party-goer, but with the career path I have chosen comes many parties. Tough life, huh?

I have recently realized how different parties and events can be from one another, each one has its own personality. What I do, however, is generally the same. I alter my play-list slightly, change up the order or the focus, but for the most part- I play the same songs. Thankfully, I only play songs that I love, so it doesn't get too monotonous. Back to my original thought- So what I do stays the same, but seem so different with a different venue.

A few weeks ago I played for an outdoor tea party fundraiser. I would say that the people who attended were probably middle to upper middle class. Quite a few were retired, but there was a wide variety of ages, too. People paid to come to the event. It was a beautiful place to play and near perfect weather. I got a few comments and compliments, but for the most part was ignored. Not that being ignored as the musician is new or that it bothers me, I just found it interesting. Like the servers bringing food, I was merely hired help.

This weekend was a busy playing weekend. Saturday night I performed for a birthday party/Father's Day party. The birthday boy was turning 80-something, he and his wife were celebrating their 59th Anniversary this year. He is also fighting stage 4 cancer. You would never know it by the way he greeted everyone. This was a backyard potluck birthday party. Neighbors, friends and family gathering around for what could be their last get-together with him. Totally out of character, he surprised everyone by requesting harp music for his party. They also provided me with a small list of song requests- quite a range of genres, I might add!

From the moment that I parked my truck, I was welcomed like family and introduced to everyone. The best moments of the party were when the guest of honor would come and sit next to me in his rocking chair and listen. He and I would discuss the beauty or the specialness of a certain piece and he just listened. He loved it that I made his dog fall asleep every time and thoroughly enjoyed the fact that everyone enjoyed the music. Not only was my music able to be a gift to him, but also his gift to the people he loved.

Sunday morning came REALLY early when we had to leave at 6:30 am to get to church for worship team practice. I tell you, though, there is nothing better than praising God with this instrument. Being at church from 7 am- almost 1 feel like such a big commitment when I'm putting it on the calendar. When it comes to the day of, though, it flies by. Yesterday I got to be in the back of the stage. The stage at our new building is SO MUCH bigger than the little thing we were on at Mistletoe! Sort of a contradiction with an instrument that sticks out, but I love being able to hide behind it and hide in the back of the team and just let the music flow out.

Last night was the Shasta County Fair. I really do love playing at the fair. It is unlike anywhere else. The Shasta County Fair brings out ALL types of people. It is such an odd surprise when people are walking through the building, looking at photographs and art, listening to harp music. They start around the sides and wander, of course not looking to the back of the building when they walk in, and then turn the corner and there sits a harp. SO many people express their surprise with, "oh! I thought you were a recording!" One of my favorite things about the fair is the kids. They are running around and crazy and when they see the harp they slow down, it catches their attention and they have this great look of wonder as they look up at this TOWERING instrument. I love it when I can tell that it is the first time they have ever seen this instrument.

Some of the memorable moments from last night: Three deaf people stopped to talk to me about my instrument. The main guy was able to express to me that he wouldn't be able to hear me, but was still very interested. He asked me to play something and pressed his hand against the wood to feel the vibration. Another woman pressed her ear against the post. They enjoyed the feeling of the strings and watching them vibrate. He asked which strings were low and which were high. He was interested in watching the music as I played and asked where I was in the music. I pointed as I progressed through the piece.

Through all this, as they walked away, I couldn't help but be SO thankful for my hearing. How do you express to someone the sound of music or the perfect sound of the harp... if they have never heard music at all? I absolutely could not imagine a world without music. It made me understand the devastation and anger that Beethoven felt when he was going deaf. WHen music is your life, it is what you love and the career path you have chosen, how in the world can you proceed without your hearing? He did, though.

When MaryAlice and I play together, one of the pieces we sometimes play is "Send in the Clowns." Until playing for the CHico State musical last year, I never knew what that song meant, really. It was just a song that I had heard on a Barbara Streisand CD. So, I decided to play that one last night, and sort of chuckled to myself as I started it. Halfway through, I looked past my strings to see a couple dancing to it. I was so touched. I am used to making people cry with "Wind Beneath my Wings" or songs like that. This seemed like such an intimate moment that I was helping to facilitate and getting to witness. A romantic moment in the midst of the crazy event of the fair.

Same music, same harp, same harpist. SO many different reactions and interactions and personalities. It is an amazing thing to be a part of. I am so blessed to be able to do this as a profession, to play music that I love and touch people's lives while they have no idea that they, too, are touching mine.

I love projects. I am sure that however long my life is, I will never be bored. So a student of mine is going to be gone for a good chunk of the summer. We haven't been able to get into any music history and I don't want her losing all the theory she has worked so hard on, so I'm creating a little packet for her to take with her. It is just a page or two "lesson" for each week going from "antiquity" to "modern" music, but I am having a great time putting this together. THrough some of my "research" as to what I was going to write for her, I found a folder of my music history stuff from when I took piano lessons.

Some of this looks like it was printed from one of those ancient printers in the 80's where you had to tear the edges off the paper. REmember the little strips with all the holes? Anyway.

I don't know if it is because when I learned Music History at Simpson, it was from a choral guy and then when I took the Music History Seminar at Chico it was the History of Opera...BUT I have been led to believe that Richard Wagner was pretty influential in the course of music history. Yet, when I look at this piano stuff that I had, he isn't listed ANYWHERE. Not even on the chronological list of composers. There are some on that list that I've never heard of and no Wagner. Interesting.

So- May 22, I walked across the Laxson Auditorium stage and was hooded. Very cool experience. I love that I got to go through that graduation ceremony with my friend MaryAlice. God truly blessed me with a friend like her. Not only did we hit it off as friends, but as musicians and created the Dihanye Duo that I hope continues for many years. It is such a joy making music with someone.



As a graduation gift to me, Ryan decided to take me on a trip. He had me block out this past weekend on my calendar and just told me he was taking me "somewhere" and would take care of everything. I have been dying and asking TOO many questions. Enough so that he would get mad at me each time I asked another question and then threatened to tell me so there wouldn't actually be a surprise. :-) Thankfully, he didn't tell me.

Just before we were to take of on Hwy 20 toward Clear Lake, he told me that we were going to Sonoma County and would be staying at the West Sonoma Inn and Spa (where Ryan's brother works). YAY!! It is beautiful. We got one of the amazing suites that overlooks the vineyard and has it's own hot tub on the deck.







The room was amazing. So fancy.




Instead of a heater, there was a gas fireplace that responded to the temperature in the room. It was wonderful. It kept going on and off all night, though!




The next morning, I started my day with breakfast and coffee in bed. Then, we got to put on the fluffy robes and walk around the building to the spa and had a side-by-side massage. It was Ryan's first massage! Wonderful.

For lunch we went to Korbel.




Then, we took their historic tour and had champagne tasting!




The rest of the afternoon was filled with books, magazines and catching up on sunshine.

For dinner, Ryan took me to the Applewood Inn. French cuisine that was absolutely amazing!


The dessert was exquisite! Peanut butter ice cream in these crunchy cream puffs with chocolate and caramel drizzled on top! All my favorites! Edit: here is the photo!


It was a perfect weekend!!

It's weird, graduating without graduating. I feel a bit like an imposter. Then on the other hand, I know that I've worked really hard for this and there is very little left standing in my way.

I'm throwing myself a graduation party tomorrow. Sort of lame, I know. Lets say its more like I'm helping Ryan throw me a party. Ha! No, really, the point is to say "thank you" to those who have been so supportive over the past two years. There are many of you who are too far away to be here, but I also want to say thank you to you for positive comments and encouragement through this rollercoaster.

I must go iron the gown now. yay!

It has been two months since I last blogged. Wow. That seems like an eternity on here. I can't even count how many hours in the past two months that I have spent in my truck on my way to or from Chico. The past two weeks I have been down there 4-5 days a week. I don't know what I would do without MaryAlice's hospitality.

I've reached a point where I am stretched so thin that I think I'm losing my mind. I have been losing things and misplacing other things. I will search and search for something to find that it is in my hand. That happened 2-3 times in a lesson yesterday.

In my absence, I have been dealing with all sorts of chaos surrounding my thesis. I have gone through every emotion possible and have settled on acceptance. I will not be "graduating" this spring as I had planned. I will find out this week if I will really be allowed to "walk" in the ceremony, but official graduation will not happen until the end of the summer, if not fall.

I know that God is in control of this and that there are probably many better reasons behind it than I can see in my short sightedness. Thankfully, I am looking at teaching a class at Simpson come the fall. Amazing that I will be able to go directly to using my degree. It is what I dreamed, but I guess was always doubtful that it would happen.

I have two more piano students, maybe three, starting this summer. I am also in prayer about a piano so that I won't have to keep traveling or going to the music store to teach.

So I have a few more weeks of chaos. Three more performances this week. One is at the ungodly hour of 0630 for a Rotary meeting. Crazy people. For the record, when we said yes the time was 0730.

I feel like life is falling apart a little around here. My roses are becoming overgrown and need to be trimmed back. laundry hasn't been done in weeks other than a load here and there that Ryan has taken care of. I can't wait to get back to NORMAL. Then it makes me think... what is normal? I am a musician. Is that life ever classified as normal?

As the economy declines, so does the number of music programs- both in the school and out. It is the reality of our culture. Music is not seen as a necessity, but instead as an extravagance, a luxury. One prediction has said that 30% of musical groups will close down in the next year (operas, symphonies, etc.)

I am currently reading through a book of Zoltan Kodaly's selected writings. What an amazing writer! It is tough reading at times. Most sentences need at least 2-3 readings before I even understand them, but every idea is so well put and concise! Some of my favorite and I believe the most stirring quotes thus far:

"Someone who dresses in bad taste does not endanger his health, but bad taste in art is a veritale sickness of the soul."

"If the child is not filled at least once by the life-giving stream of music during the most susceptible period- between his sixth and sixteenth years- it will hardly be of any use to him later on. Often a single experience will open the young soul to music for a whole lifetime. This experience cannot be left to chance, it is the duty of the school to provide it."

"No other subject can serve the child's welfare- physical and spiritual- as well as music."

When I was a new harpist and people learned that I was playing that unusual and beautiful instrument, I was asked to play various places. Because I had musical background, I wanted to play and do those performances on my new instrument. Many times I was far from ready and learned so much the hard way.

Now here I am teaching. I have a student with a beautiful harp, musical background, and a desire for performance. I now understand why one should not "perform" on the harp until they have played for at least two years.

I am now having to tell this student that she is not ready to perform an hour of music. It is SO hard, because I have been there. I am also having to counsel her on charging enough, etc. I want her to be ready and I am excited about getting her ready. Alas, she is not there yet. That involves practice. Rock and a hard place.

I love the snow. Something about it makes me very excited. The only thing more exciting might be if God decided to cover the ground in glitter or something sparkley. :-)

I almost had a hard time driving in my lane on my way home because I wanted to check out what was ON my windshield instead of what was in front of it. Thankfully, I made it home safe and had snow in the backyard. We went out and threw a few snowballs. I attempted a snowman. Its a little wet and pathetic but I had fun. Kona decided that it was most definitely edible.

Some really bad pictures, but pictures none the less...

Music has been a part of my life since before I can remember. My mom would play the guitar at night and sing us to sleep. I talked about playing the piano at age 4 or younger and have no idea where that idea got into my head.

Starting with piano, I was taught: read the notes + play the notes = make music.

COmpletely untrue. There is nothing really about the black dots on a page that makes MUSIC. This is something that I'm sure I was told earlier in my music education, but has not really sunk in until this masters degree. If there is one thing that I'm gaining out of my time at Chico is that I am learning how to create MUSIC.

At our Dihanye Duo practice today, we played a rather non-de-script piece. Got to the end and both said, "well, that was boring." So we sat there and created a story- talked about what we could see in the music. How the stage was set, what was happening, etc. When we played it through again, the music DANCED. It was beautiful and amazing. It was music.

As I sat here going through my things, I came upon what has been one of my most coveted possessions since September 2007... a bar of Caudalie soap. French soap. Purchased by yours truly in Paris. Since it smells so delicious, I have not been able to bring myself to use it.

In this new house, we have a full guest bathroom that I recently decorated. With the decorations I bought a soap dish because it went with everything.

Empty soap dish. Bar of soap. Yet here was my dilemma, if I use the soap, I will no longer be able to smell it. Who knows when I will go back. Yet the oddity of the desire to "save" a little thing like a bar of soap struck me as being absurd.

Thanks to some good advice from a friend, I gathered the courage and placed the soap in that new soap dish. WHen I returned to the box I found an expiration date!! Who knew soap could expire. Thankfully I'm within the allotted amount of time.

So, if anyone would like deliciously good, French smelling hands... the soap is up for the using. I have relinquished my soap for the using.

You find all sorts of things packing and unpacking. I just stumbled upon my journal from July 2000 to Sept 2003. A lot happened in my life in those three years. Who knew I was such a poet from time to time! Prayers, short stories, it is quite a read. One entertaining piece is "What I am looking for in a mate" and it appears that it was written between March and May 2002. Some of the entertaining ones...
1. Good personal hygiene: flosses their teeth, gets hair cut regularly (it is important, but I guess I felt it was important enough to write it down!)
2. Can fix things
3. Can cook
4. like ice cream
5. like coffee
6. not vegetarian

Considering my husband spent his whole day yesterday replacing the bathroom countertop that I ruined, made coffee this morning, and bbq'd pork tonight for dinner, I'd say he's doing pretty well on my list. :-)

Isn't it ironic that when you are "moving" every muscle in your body hurts so bad that you can't really move?

Tomorrow is the big day. I have brainlessly been packing boxes for the past two weeks in preparation, and then have started to move things over to the new place but I don't know that it has really hit me. I love this apartment. It was so new when we moved in. It has character. We have each grown on our own and as a couple in this place. The first apartment we had when we were first married was a disaster of a mistake... this place we picked together. We have been here 4 years.

4 years is a long time. It is funny though that life seems to go in 4 year spurts... 4 years of high school, 4 years of college...

I am excited about being in a real house. When I have wedding consultations, I can invite them into my house... and not have to give them an apartment number. For some reason that always made me cringe. With the move into a house comes a whole truckload of unknowns, though. One of them is bills... we now have to pay for garbage and water... electricity is going to be WAY more. We will have to remember to take out the garbage on a certain night. Mowing the grass and trimming things is now an added responsibility.

So although I seem to LOVE major changes every 4 years... I am sort of anti-change and go through this moody transition where I hold on to what is comfortable for as long as I can. Tomorrow I have to let go.

Our internet isn't quite turned on at the new place. Yet another new decision. Current provided doesn't give us a fast enough option over there... so we have to change our provider. Who knows when I will be back up.

So until then, au revoir.